From Dan Henry—my friend and spiritual director—a practice of Awareness, Understanding, and Right Action that leads us into peace. Founder of PilgrimHeart Spiritual Direction, Dan is also an instructor with Sustainable Faith’s School of Spiritual Direction. Find out more here: http://www.pilgrimheart.io/
In the face of great sadness and suffering such as in this current pandemic, is it possible to be at peace?
If you are a follower of Christ, you most likely know the “correct” answer to that question. But sometimes there is a gap between what I tell myself I believe about God, and what the patterns and flow of my life say about what I truly believe. For example, I might declare that I’ve received the peace of Christ, I am loved, and all is well despite challenging circumstances. After all, Jesus promised us peace that transcends understanding. But if, in actuality, the inner atmosphere of my soul is characterized by things like fear or anger, then it’s safe to say that I am not truly experiencing all the peace of God that I’ve been promised.
Several years ago, and well into my “peace-ward” journey, I had one of those rare (for me) moments where I felt I “heard” something quite specific from God. It was more of a nonverbal sense, but the gist of it was, “Dan, the most important thing you can do is to cultivate a peaceful heart.” Cultivating a peaceful heart has been at the center of my reflection and practice ever since. It’s my through-line and spiritual thermometer every day.
I believe that now more than ever the world needs peace-full people. Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers.” I’d like to think that includes “peace-givers, peace-sharers, and peace-practitioners” of all kinds. As we experience peace in our hearts, we begin to exude peace in our thoughts, words, actions, and even in our simple presence. What a timely gift we can be for others as we begin to access, explore, and practice the deep, inner peace Christ has already deposited in our souls.
Our scriptures tell us that peace is a sign of the Spirit, God’s Presence. As followers of Christ we have been “called to peace,” and we’re told, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts” (Colossians 3:15). OK, I’m in. Sounds good. But how does that happen? Will I discover peace if I somehow manage to vanquish all the non-peaceful stuff I feel? I can try to fight off those darker emotions I mentioned previously, but that doesn’t really produce peace. Quite the opposite, in fact. I actually end up feeling exhausted and frustrated from my efforts, less peaceful than ever. (I think I just described religion.) I also find that I just can’t gin up feelings of peace, at least not without some type of artificial numbing activity. So, how do I cultivate peace in my heart?
In 2015 I had the wonderful experience of going through an ancient prayer journey known as the Ignatian Exercises. It’s a deep tilling of the soul’s “soil”, a nine-month meditative path intended to grow a person in discernment. Discernment in this sense is about living a life that is increasingly in sync with the presence and purposes of Christ, a life characterized by an interior peace and freedom. These Exercises changed my life. I now practice this discernment in three stages: Awareness, Understanding, and Right Action. In my life I find these three things greatly help me experience peacefulness.
Awareness--
Like the apostle Paul, I sometimes find myself doing what I don’t want to do, or not doing what I want to do. Why did I react that way? Why did I get so defensive in that moment? I may be aware that something feels off, but not understand what it might mean, if anything.
When I’m caught up in the speed and noise of our 21st century norms of living, I may not even notice that my “inner being” is out of sorts, that my heart is missing the peace of Christ. Have you ever noticed a feeling of unsettledness, one that just kind of appears out of nowhere, for no apparent reason? Sort of like a low grade, emotional “hum” in the background? Awareness is about not rushing past something like that, but pausing and asking with the Psalmist, “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me?” (Psalm 42:5) I have found, without fail, that if I pause and pray that prayer, understanding soon follows-- “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” ( James 1:5)
Awareness must come first in this sequence. If I’m unaware, I may not even notice that low grade background hum. I’ll be unaware that there is something to understand. In any case, it’s more than likely that the hum will influence me— how I think, how I act, how I speak. I may miss how Christ is present to me, leading me, wanting to form me in the moments of my day.
Some emotions blatantly contradict or demolish my inner peace. They are like unruly passengers on “my bus”. From time to time, when I find myself distracted, it’s like they start fighting over the driver’s seat. If I’m inattentive, then fear, anger, or any number of troubling feelings can take the wheel. Once that happens who knows where I’ll end up? Scripture tells us repeatedly that we are to “guard our heart” against such things. I need awareness to do that.
Emotions are a fundamental part of what it means to be human. To deny or ignore them is unwise. It’s helpful to realize that every one of them belongs, every one has a ticket to ride--but not to drive the bus. I find that it’s up to me to pay attention to what is occurring on the bus, to learn and practice self-awareness. If I don’t, these emotional impulses are still there, and they’ll have free reign to influence me without my understanding.
So, to become more self-aware, I need to regularly pause and ask, “How is my soul? How is my inner being? What’s the spiritual atmosphere of my interior world? Is it stormy or calm?” The sooner I can notice that my heart or mind is agitated, the better. At first I may not even know what I’m feeling, but that’s OK. Once I notice any agitation, I can seek understanding.
On the front end of this Covid-19 pandemic, when the whole world tilted on its side, I felt the need to stay on top of the news, something I’d given up on years ago. I immersed myself in both televised and online news. It didn’t take long before I felt submerged in waves of sadness and anger-- sadness at such widespread suffering and loss, anger at the injustices being exposed by this pandemic. Once that anger distracted me, I began to feel anger toward other unrelated things as well. I had unwittingly relinquished my ‘driver’s seat’ and the bus was headed the wrong direction. It culminated in me venting my outrage one evening to some good friends, pronouncing my judgement on various people. In that conversation I was unaware, and my bus got hijacked.
Understanding--
Within 24 hours, the clarity of self-awareness kicked in, and I saw my anger for what it was. The words I’d spoken echoed in my mind. I began to understand that my angry outburst about a situation in the present was actually tied right back to an unrelated but similar life event a few years ago. Awareness resulted in understanding, but for that to happen I first had to slow way down and reflect quietly on the awareness.
Here are some things I’ve learned about this phase of discernment. All kinds of thoughts and emotions get on and off the bus. Not all of them are worthy of my attention. It’s enough to note them, acknowledge them, but then let them go. To use another metaphor, these feelings and thoughts are like breezes stirring the leaves of a tree. The breeze is not the tree, neither are thoughts and feelings “me.” You and I experience the stirring of our “leaves” by the breezes, but we are not those breezes—we are the tree.
When I sense a strong “breeze,” I get to decide whether it bears further scrutiny or not. That’s when it’s time to interrogate the reality of what I’m noticing, with questions like—
What am I feeling?
Is this feeling connected to a thought?
What is that thought or belief? What is the story I’m telling myself in this moment?
Is this story or belief even true now, or is it just residue from the past?
Is this worthy of reflection or not, or—might this lead to some type of “right action”?
Often enough, just the act of detaching a bit from the thought or feeling provides the clarity I need. That thing is drained of any false sense of urgency or importance. I suspect that the vast majority of what passes through my mind is just “noise”. Returning to our bus metaphor, as I practice discernment like this, I find that the atmosphere inside my bus is actually saturated with the peace of Christ. And so is the atmosphere that contains the bus. The peace of Christ is never disturbed or absent. It is always there, undergirding me (and you). Understanding this gives me increasing freedom from unhelpful thoughts and feelings. They still stir my leaves, but they don’t stay; and I don’t feel compelled to grasp onto them.
Right Action—
Back to my example. After I’d experienced awareness and understanding, I contacted my friends, and shared with them my regret at venting. Perhaps more importantly, I shared that this is not who I am, who I want to be, or how I want to be in the world. Of course, they were unanimously gracious in their responses. None of them judged me or critiqued me, thank God. A deep, experiential peace filled my heart.
This wasn’t my first time around this particular mountain, and it surely won’t be the last. I’m finding that those very moments that trip me up are actually the ones that offer the deepest opportunities to grow in experiential knowledge of Christ. These three steps of discernment are so helpful in navigating the ups and downs of my journey, and finding peace as I go.
Okay, what does all this have to do with cultivating a peaceful heart? Everything! I’ve seen this play out in my own and many others’ lives. As I learn to slow down and notice (awareness), then understand, I find freedom and ability to respond rather than react, to choose silence over rebuttal, to actually experience Christ in those very moments that in the past would agitate me to no end (right action).
This very shift gradually led me to a more contemplative way of occupying the space of my life. I began to pray differently, often wordlessly. I entered into an ongoing practice of spiritual direction. I discovered quiet reflection and meditation. “Low and slow” began to shift things around in my soul. To this day I find that, as I intentionally engage in such life-giving practices, I find more often than not that my soul is indeed well. There is an undergirding peace in the midst of everything, even in this time of pandemic with all its horrors and sadness. So, this really does transcend human understanding. Like God.
I’d like to encourage you to cultivate a peaceful heart. And please remember-- cultivation is a slow process. It’s OK that this takes time. (Think low and slow, not high explosives.)
You most likely already have a sense of what moments in your life tend to produce peace. Are there practices you’re already aware of that tend to the wellness of your soul? Why not revisit those? Are there practices you’ve yet to try? Why not try them? On the other hand, are there habits or practices in your life that drain you of peace, that needlessly distract you, or keep you agitated? Maybe there’s some subtraction that could be done. My own experience reminded me of this. I needed to opt out of most social media. I needed to minimize my intake of news. Which I did. That bit of relatively minor subtraction helped restore my soul’s capacity to experience peace. In terms of addition, leaning into practices like I’ll describe below helped restore my sense of inner peace.
Perhaps you could share your peace journey with a soul friend, or a spiritual director. An extra set of eyes and ears, and a compassionate heart can help so much.
Sometimes the best practices to help us experience peace can happen right at those very moments that frustrate our souls and try our patience. One of my most helpful (and challenging) spiritual practices has been, and is driving. Traffic (all those other drivers) annoy, agitate, and anger me. But you know what? Awareness tells me that, when I drive, I may be tested in a way that cultivates peace in my heart. Understanding tells me that those other drivers are not making me feel those things, that I have a choice to not react. Understanding reminds me that God isn’t bound by human conceptions of time, that the Christ in me isn’t in a hurry, isn’t miffed at the person who cut me off, isn’t frustrated at the road construction slowing me down.
If God is OK with these things, then maybe I can be too? Right action (for me) looks like driving slower, leaving space, breathing a deep “holy sigh” when I feel that familiar tension rising in my body. The end result is real peace, in the moment, in a real situation that used to drive me crazy (no pun intended). I can honestly say that I enjoy finding Presence (and peace) now as I drive. That’s just one example. Every day of any human life is filled with these potential God/Peace moments.
Over the last several years I’ve benefited from using my breath as a way of praying, and as a way of refocusing or gaining awareness in the moment. There are innumerable ways to use your breath like this, but here’s just one. You might try it as written here, or use your own words.
In this practice you will take four slow, deep breaths. Stand or sit up straight so that you can feel your belly and ribs expand as you inhale. Imagine that your breath contains the “Ruah” or breath/Spirit of God. As you breathe, the Spirit is filling each part you that’s mentioned (mind, heart, breath, body), displacing all that is not the Peace of Christ.
On the first inhale, imagine your breath filling your head or mind space. Second breath, your heart space. Third breath, your lungs/breath. Final breath, picture your entire body being filled. You may find it helpful to inhale through your nose, then exhale with a loud sigh each time. Enjoy the simple awareness of the God in whom we live, move, and have our being. Do it once (maybe while waiting at a stoplight), or repeat several times as desired.
(Inhale) Christ in my mind
(Exhale) Christ in this moment
(Inhale) Christ in my heart
(Exhale) Christ in this moment
(Inhale) Christ in my breath
(Exhale) Christ in this moment
(Inhale) Christ in my body
(Exhale) Christ in this moment
Amen.